Parenting Questions for Couples

Another child means more logistics, more sibling squabbles and less time for each person. These cards are about being a team as parents, what fair means in your home, and giving each child and each other some attention. They also work for blended families and kids who live in more than one home.

Good for: Parents and stepparents with two or more children.

Play 70 cards

Tips for playing

Talk about each child on their own, and avoid comparing them, especially when they can hear you.
Use the logistics cards to find one concrete thing you can change next week.
Skip any card that doesn't fit your family.

Depth: lightLight questions

Easy to start with. Good for warming up.

What surprised you most about becoming parents again, compared with the first time?
What is our oldest doing right now that you wish we noticed more?
Which part of the family logistics would you most like to trade away, and which are you happy to take?
What's the funniest thing the kids have said to each other lately?
Which moment with the kids together made you smile this week?
Which rule from the first time around have we dropped completely, and is that okay?
Which baby item from the first time finally got used, and which one got tossed?
What's our best trick for getting out the door in the morning?
Which meal does the whole family eat without complaining?
What could we skip next week without anyone noticing?
What do the kids love doing together when they're getting along?
Which sound in the house means everything is fine right now?
What's the best part of weekends now that there are more of us?
Which song do we sing when everyone needs to settle down?
What have we pulled off as a family this past year that we should celebrate?
What have you done just for yourself this week?
Which tradition started on its own after our family grew?
What did you learn the first time that you're glad you know now?
If we had a whole Saturday to ourselves, what would we do?
What's the most chaotic thing that happened at dinner recently that we can laugh about now?
What have you seen the kids learn from each other?
Which game have the kids made up that you'd never have thought of?
Who around us is great at helping when everything's on fire?
What's the best advice you've gotten about having more than one child?
What outing could we take where everyone has a good time?
What do you do with five minutes alone when you get them?
Which chore do you actually like, because it gives you a bit of peace?
What have you said to the kids that you never thought you'd hear yourself say?

Depth: mediumA bit more personal

For when the conversation is flowing.

When did you last have one-on-one time with each of the kids, and what did you do?
What does fair mean in our home: everyone gets the same, or everyone gets what they need?
What can we say to the kids when they feel one of them gets more than the other?
What do you miss from when there were fewer of us, and what would you never trade back?
How can we fit one-on-one time with each child into an ordinary week?
What do we do when the kids fight, and what would we like to do differently?
How do we want the kids to talk to each other, and how do we show them ourselves?
What do you think it's been like for our oldest to become a big brother or big sister?
What does our oldest need from us that's easy to forget when things get busy?
When have you seen the kids look out for each other?
Which jobs could the kids take on a bit more of, so they feel counted on too?
How do we split the invisible work, like remembering birthdays, lunches and clothes that still fit?
Where do we disagree about raising the kids, and how can we talk about it without putting them in the middle?
How can we back each other up in front of the kids, even when we don't agree?
What's different about being a parent now compared with when we had just one child?
What have you let go of that used to seem important?
Which recent day just went well, and what did we do right?
What do we do when one of the kids says it's not fair?
How do we make sure each child is seen for who they are, not for their place in the lineup?
When do we end up saying "you're the big kid now," and what does that do to our child?
How do we find time for the two of us when there's hardly ever a break?
What's the smallest thing we could do for each other every day?
What have we learned about saying yes when someone offers help?
Which family days do you think the kids will remember?
Besides us, who are the important grown-ups in the kids' lives, and how do we keep them close?
How do we talk with the kids about how different they are without turning it into a competition?
What has having more than one child taught you about yourself?
What's the hardest part of having to split yourself between more people?
What did your own childhood teach you about siblings, for better and worse?
How can we give the kids time together where we don't step in?
What should we get better at saying to each other as parents?

Depth: deepDeep questions

Take your time. These are the ones people remember.

Where do we pull in different directions as parents, and where are we a great team?
When have you felt you weren't enough for the kids, and what helped?
What do you hope the kids will be to each other when they're grown?
What could I take off your plate in a busy week without you having to ask?
What are you afraid of missing when life gets busy?
What do you want the kids to remember about the two of us as a couple?
How has our growing family changed the way you see the two of us?
What did your own parents do well, and what do you wish they'd done differently?
How do we want to talk with a child who feels overlooked?
What makes you feel guilty as a parent, and what would you tell a friend in the same spot?
What do we do to stay partners in love and not just coworkers running a family?

70 cards in this deck.