Questions for New Parents

A new baby turns everyday life upside down, and most couples find it harder to make time for each other. These cards are short, so you can take them in small bites, and they're about the little moments, who does what, and the two of you. If one of you feels very sad, anxious or unable to enjoy anything for weeks at a time, talk to your doctor, midwife or pediatrician: postpartum depression affects both mothers and fathers, and it can be treated.

Good for: Couples and co-parents who are expecting or just had their first child.

Play 70 cards

Tips for playing

Take one or two cards at a time, maybe while the baby naps, instead of waiting for a free evening.
Listen without trying to fix things right away, and skip a card if you're too tired.
If the sadness doesn't lift, talk to your doctor or your baby's pediatrician. That goes for both parents.

Depth: lightLight questions

Easy to start with. Good for warming up.

What little thing about our baby made you smile today?
What am I doing as a parent that you'd like to praise me for?
If we got one free hour tonight, what should we spend it on?
Which sound our baby makes could you listen to over and over?
What's the funniest thing that happened at home this week?
Which song or rhyme has become ours without us ever deciding it?
Who around us has surprised you in a good way since we found out we were expecting?
What have you learned about baths, diapers or baby carriers that you wish you'd known from the start?
Which moment from the first weeks do you want to remember twenty years from now?
What's your favorite thing to eat when you only have one free hand?
Which baby item did we get that we couldn't live without?
Which baby item is still sitting unused in the closet?
Where do you like to go when you take the stroller out for a walk?
What have you discovered you're good at as a parent?
What do you hope our baby gets from your side of the family?
What made you happy today that had nothing to do with the baby?
Which name was on the shortlist that you still have a soft spot for?
What are you most looking forward to showing our child when they're older?
Which bedtime story from your own childhood do you want to read aloud?
Which of your habits do you hope our baby doesn't inherit?
What's the silliest thing you've done because of too little sleep?
Which message from family or friends has warmed your heart most since we shared the news?
What should we cook the first time we have the energy to make a proper meal again?
What nickname has our baby ended up with, and where did it come from?
What have you googled about babies that makes you laugh a little now?

Depth: mediumA bit more personal

For when the conversation is flowing.

How did you picture an ordinary day with a baby, and what turned out different?
When did you last feel like yourself and not just a parent?
Which household task takes up the most space in your head, even when you're not doing it?
How are you really doing these days, if we set the tiredness aside?
What from your own upbringing do you want to bring along now that we're parents?
What from your own upbringing do you want to do differently?
What has surprised you most about yourself since we became parents?
What's the best way for me to tell you I need you to take over?
What's easy for you to ask for help with, and what's hard?
Which advice from others has been useful, and which have you decided to ignore?
How could we split the nights so we both get a few hours of sleep in a row?
What have you seen me do with the baby that moved you?
What do you miss from life before the baby that we might be able to make room for again?
What small thing can we do every day to stay a couple and not only parents?
How do we work it out when we each have a different idea of what the baby needs?
What can we say no to for a while, so we get a little more breathing room?
Who could we ask for help, and what exactly could they do?
What worries you most right now, and what would make it a little easier?
What do you think about most when you picture the first weeks with the baby?
How would you like our child to get to know your family?
Which traditions from our two families do we want to pass on?
In your own words, what does it mean to be a good parent?
When did you last feel that we were a good team?
Which part of who you were before would you like more room for again?
How has your relationship with your own parents changed since we had the baby?
What got us through the hardest night so far?
What do you do when you're holding a crying baby and have no idea what's wrong?
Now that everyone asks about the baby, what do you wish people would ask you?
How do we make sure we both get time for something that's just ours?
What would you like to tell our child about how the two of us met?
How should we handle visitors so they give us energy instead of taking it?

Depth: deepDeep questions

Take your time. These are the ones people remember.

What do you need from me when you're completely worn out and can't face explaining it?
What about the two of us will you fight to keep, now that our family has grown?
How can I tell you're struggling before you say it yourself?
What kind of parent do you hope our child will say you were?
What has becoming a parent taught you about your own parents?
When have you felt alone as a parent, and what could have helped?
What makes you feel most unsure as a parent, and what could I say that would help?
What have you seen in me as a parent that made you love me even more?
Which expectations of yourself as a parent would you like to let go of?
What do you want our child to learn about love by watching the two of us?
What's the hardest part of sharing responsibility for a tiny human with someone else?
How has the way you see yourself changed since the baby arrived?
What haven't you said out loud yet about becoming a parent?
How can we take care of each other in the stretches when there's no energy left for romance?

70 cards in this deck.